She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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