he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
