Swine flu. Run for my life!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
