The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
