watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
