Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
