Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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