I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
