just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
