I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
