I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
