help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
