I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
