I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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