i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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