ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
