Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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