when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
