you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
