The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize