He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
