What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
