I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
