I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
