you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize