oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
