My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So much Jack, so little girl.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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