Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
