Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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