i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
