I CAN MOONWALK!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
