First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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