yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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