I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
