Just took my morning after pill in the library
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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