It's Friday. Sex?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
