does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize