And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
