Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
