Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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