I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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