shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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