Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
