so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
