Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
