Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
