I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize