do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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