I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
