My sheets look like a crime scene.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
