bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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