she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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