Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
