nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
