After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
