Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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