I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
