In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
