im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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