the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
