It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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