It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
